happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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