Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
