I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
