my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
