Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
