Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
