I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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