So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
