My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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