I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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