I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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