Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
