I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
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