My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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