The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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