The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
