If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
