Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
