and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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