Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
His nipple licking is glorious
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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