my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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