Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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