I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
