ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
