I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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