shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
