All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
