I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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