Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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