Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
