He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
