She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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