Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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