Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
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I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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