its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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