whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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