i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A+ Viking dick
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
