Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
