I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
