Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
