My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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