apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
