I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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