Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
