I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
