she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
