Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
