During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
