What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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