His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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