I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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