ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
