maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
