do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
