I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You're a waste of cheezeits
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
