I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
