Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I love you.
Bad choice
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
