he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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