I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
